I thought about just copying and pasting a famous epilogue from another work and just citing it (saving both myself and the reader from anything I would have to spew onto the page) but I didn't...and I apologize. Unfortunately, you get pure unadulterated Davis (half-asleep, no less....as is tradition).
So, Webster's dictionary defines "epi" as a fencing or dueling sword having a bowl-shaped guard and a rigid blade of triangular section with no cutting edge that tapers to a sharp point blunted for fencing and "logue" as a usually bulky piece or length of a cut or fallen tree. Therefore, I still have no idea what to write about.
Both this and more importantly the Aussie blog have been fun. It provided just enough expression and amusement to keep me sane during trying times (Triple J radio helped too; had it not been for the Aussie music, I may not have survived that harvest). I'm glad a select few enjoyed it, as it was mainly built for my own amusement; I expected no one to actually read it (hence the multitude of grammatical and spelling errorrs).
Most of my interesting travels being done at this point, I shall retire the blog* till something interesting begins again (hoping it will). I'm afraid a passion grew weak within and within weeks grew uninteresting.
Till the next adventure perhaps....because I'm pretty sure nobody cares about tennis, running, and drinking jeopardy tales...despite how epic a trivial drinking game it indeed is.
Classic Trebek. " Answer: Something majestically defining a certain Canadian talk show host, that needs to come back immediately...What is Alex Trebek's Moustache?"...Correct!
Well that's it... But if I don't talk to you, keep on, keep trucking.
"keep on, keep trucking"
If you can read this you don't need reading glasses or have figured out how to zoom in on your computer.
So, having survived the whole bear thing unscathed, we set off for the west coast. First stop was Spokane, WA where Corey's cousin-in-law? lives. This stop brought us back to civilized life: non-sandwich food, dry sleeping arrangements with padding, and heat provided by things other than poorly lit campfires. It was a welcome change after 5 days of camping and smoke inhalation (apparently wet wood doesn't light well).
self-explanatory
Our next stop was Portland. On our way there we stopped off at a winery called Spring Valley Vineyard in Walla walla, Wa. Corey's dad knew the owner and hooked us up with a sweet tour. Walla walla is an interesting wine region (from what I saw anyway) - lots of wheat everywhere with small vineyards scattered here or there. Apparently water is very expensive and difficult to come by so starting a vineyard is pretty tricky. However, I feel it's a pretty incredible spot for vines if you can pull it off. The winery indeed made some pretty damn good Bordeaux varietal stuff. The bottles are pretty cool also - featuring old pictures from people in the history of the vineyard and ranch (been in the family since the 1800's).
The sweet bottle I picked up.
Quite the view in Walla Walla. All wheat with the vineyard in the background.
Once we reached Portland, we decided to turn this stop into a small brewery tour, as several quality beers are made in Portland. We ended up going to Bridgeport brewpub, Rogue brewery, and Deschutes. Apparently we had a good time because at the end of the night Corey got money out from an ATM but decided to donate his card to the machine. This of course was not realized till the next morning; Corey's never lost anything before, btw, and I've never been sarcastic. Card canceled, no harm no foul, moving on; well no harm no foul, other than the fact that Corey belongs to the most popular bank in all of south western lower eastern Maryland: Nasa Federal Credit Union. They basically have to launch the space shuttle to get his new card from the international space station. So Corey will get his card the next time its a clear day at Cape Canaveral. Well done, little buddy.
Corey Harris, ladies and gentlemen.
After leaving Portland, we set off for Californee. On the way we checked out Crater Lake (fun fact: deepest lake in North America. Other fun fact: it is an unreal blue when the sun is out. see below, click to enlarge).
"I see blue - he's looks glorious!"
Crater lake was really amazing. Also, this year they apparently got the most snow in over 50 years. Snowpacks still were along the edge of the road (people were even getting some skiing in on some of the slopes). Got some really nice photos of the lake and might have to posterize one for the apartment.
(Here's a fun video from the drive in Oregon...we ran across a reindeer.)
After Crater, we stopped in at Corey's relatives and got to eat some delicious free food before reaching San Francisco. Once there, Corey surprised his girlfriend Kristin (we told her we'd get there in the morning...tricksy little Corey), and we grabbed a couple brews at a bar in the mission area (where Kristin lives).
"Please Mark, Don't go"...Kristin's dog is a good friend
The next morning we finished off our journey by making it to Santa Rosa and signing our lease for the new spot. Then we enjoyed the fun task of moving shit into it. Ughhhhhh, joy. Here are a couple pics of the place (it's already getting messy....sweet).
Gonna keep this one short since the last blog was a short novel.
Yellowstone is an impressive park. It's no wonder Teddy (we're tight like that) decided to make it the first national park (in the world). It's full of wonder and intrigue, the likes of which are gonna ROCK any visitor.
Eat your heart out, Ansel Adams.
Yellowstone is also quite a large park. We ended up driving almost as many hours as we slept (which actually isn't that impressive since it rained both nights we were there and the tent we had wasn't exactly water-tight). Anyway, Bison (aka Buffalo) are all over the park. The wander the roads causing traffic jams at various points in the park. They also seem to be found in abundance at all the park food stores in jerky form. I can see now why they almost became extinct from people heading west...they are slow as hell and don't seem to run from anything; not exactly a tough game to hunt.
"Go around, ya bunch of crazies!"
So, Corey and I ended up doing this long hike that brought us right to the face of a pretty impressive waterfall. The only problem with hikes into canyons is that you hike down first. This is almost more psychologically daunting than physically because the more you end up hiking steeply downward, the more you know you have to go back up it (sadly, physical law stood true, and hiking back up was brutal).
We were able to get pretty close to it. Also were able to get pretty soaked.
The hike was worth it; getting that close to such an impressive falls. The only downside to the whole thing was this one mile long stretch of the hike that went through a wetland area. Until that day, I did not realize that mosquitoes could attack in swarms. Corey and I were literally forced to run through this section of the hike because gangs of mosquitoes were attacking us in bee-like swarms. Running is really not fun after 15 miles of hiking (and, again, running out of water...we obviously did not learn from this while at Glacier National either). After this unwanted blood-letting marathon through mosquito alley, we finally made it to the car. Inside was some delicious uncomfortably hot water to drink (I guess that happens when you leave it in the car for hours). We drank it anyway and headed to Old Faithful to see if we could catch it before nightfall.
We parked. I went to grab some gatorades because Corey was not doing so well - severe dehydration during hiking seemed to be a trend on this trip. Corey took a little nap to try and recuperate while I grabbed his camera to see if I could catch a photo of the famous geyser blow its load. Lucky for me it didn't take long (that's what she said). Literally right after I got to the geyser it, sure enough, started steaming and then blasted its reserve some 40 feet into the sky to a chorus of ooo's and aaah's from all the slack-jawwed yokels standing around.
Insert sexual innuendo here.
Corey eventually came too (thanks in part to gatorade, "It's got electrolytes. It's what Corey's crave"). We ended up getting a real dinner (since we earned it) and actually not having beer that night (that's how dehydrated we were here people).
"It's what plants crave!"...the movie Idiocracy, anyone?
We left yellowstone and headed to Glacier national park (see previous blog post) continuing on our journey. Overall, Yellowstone is a gorgeous park and immensely huge. I'm quite sure we didn't even see the half of it but still thought it was spectacular. Here are some panoramics from the trip. Enjoy
Our hike down to the waterfall. It was a long way down.
Preface: First off, this is a long one (that’s what she…, you get the idea). It had to been long because this is an epic tale. And so the tale goes...
Just one of the views during the hike (click to enlarge)
After Yellowstone (blog-post to come), Corey and I set off for Glacier National Park which is located in the upper left corner of Montana; the park is half in the USA and half in Canada (see below).
Two of the Canadian Park Rangers. "I'm not your buddy, guy"
A note on road conditions in the area: Not Awesome. Loose gravel , potholes, and major roadwork were going on everywhere. This did not bode well for Corey’s car and its 4 inches of clearance . It took quite the beating. We got this little number (see below) when a car in the opposite lane fired upon us. Quick note: All Montana roads have a speed limit of at least 70 mph, even if it is impossible to drive that speed and not hit a tree or fly off a cliff. I've decided it was Montana’s way of trimming its budget and getting to buy 70 MPH signs in bulk at Costco.
Thank god Corey's car has bulletproof glass.
So after some bumpy driving and one nearly destroyed windshield, we made it to the park and our campground. On our way in, we drove across a female black bear and her cub on the side of the road. Corey got some great pictures (my camera was dead; thanks a lot Nikon), as the bears were very close to the side of the road. We would soon find out that the black bear and her cub would also be staying at our campground.
We arrived a little late in the day (830pm), so we set up camp and opted not to do a hike that night. Instead, we did what all avid hikers and outdoorsmen do: consumed some beers and struggled to keep our campfire lit before passing out in a moderately leaky tent.
The next day, I awoke around 7am (incredible I know, but when the sun comes out and your tent goes from something to protect you from the outside environment to a large easy bake oven, it wakes you up). As I was grabbing my toothbrush from the car, I glanced over to a path by the woods about 30 yards away. What do I see but our good black bear friend from yesterday with her cub. I attempted to take a picture but my camera had not properly charged overnight (thanks again Nikon). I stood there and watched as they slowly went back in to the wooded area. Moments later the park rangers would show up. Apparently the two have been hanging out in the area for some time and refuse to leave. This is generally a bad situation since this is a camp ground…for humans. Personally, the bears didn’t seem to concerned with anyone and were just eating some vegetation in the area but the main concern of the rangers is if the bears get a hold of any human food - apparently this turns bears into ravenous killing machines (they actually put bears down if they know they have had the taste of sweet delicious human food). If cartoons have taught me anything, its that these rapscallions just want a to steal my picnic basket and pose no harm to anyone but a certain one park ranger then again what do I know.
Don't underestimate his comical demeanor. First he'll take the basket, then your life.
After our second bear interaction, we finally set out to do a hike that one of the rangers had told us about. The hike was pretty impressive (see image at top of page). It started out through a wooded area, then opened up along a decent white water stream before climbing the side of a mountain. Along the way we ran across several snow packs that we had to go around (they weren't deep just extremely slippery and more like ice, which, when a cliff is at the bottom of it, is something you don't want to start sliding down); later on this snow would be become somewhat helpful to our well being. Eventually we reached a snowpack that was too big to go around and we decided to just start going straight up the side of the mountain rather than stay on the trail. In the essence of time and typing, short story: we went to the top of the peak (which was somewhat grueling) then slide down. We were able to slide since most of the mountain side was very loose slate – we were able to sort of ride a wave of rocks down the side. It was pretty fun. (See video below also for a snippet of us going up the hillside and note: the peak was not even close at that point like I thought)
One of the snowpacks blocking the trail and about where we started just climbing straight upwards.
Bout 1/3 of the way up.
After quite a bit of sliding and hiking, we made it back to the trail and started heading back to the car. That’s when things got weird.
A note on bear safety: While hiking, you’re supposed to make large amounts of noise to let a bear know that you are coming because they are most dangerous when they are surprised. Also, it is often advised to carry bear spray while hiking in bear territory.
We were too cheap for the bear spray, but were definitely yelling and clapping while doing the hike the whole time.
We entered the wooded area, roughly a mile from the start of the hike and our car and the delicious purple powerade held therein.
Never did I want one more than that day.
A note on dehydration: carry more than two small water bottles when doing hikes for longer than 5 hours.
We made our way through the wooded area, clapping and yelling random shit the entire time. Corey was in front with me about a step behind him. Then it happened. Corey abruptly stops, turns, and runs into me which seemed to occur as one harmonious movement. While doing so he yelled something that, at the instant it happened, I couldn’t really understand. I came to and quickly processed what he had said when I too saw the Grizzly bear, about 15 yards from us. Corey had yelled “holy shit, there’s one right there!!” to which I appropriately responded “Fuck!” as I quickly turned and ran as well.
A note on bear safety: Never run when encountering a grizzly bear. You should stop then slowly back away without making eye contact with the bear
Corey and I only ran for about 10 yards before stopping and realizing we shouldn’t be doing it. We briefly hid behind a tree to assess the situation before backing away from the bear. It too had momentarily ran away and was now standing staring at us seeing how the story would unfold. We backed away long enough before we could no longer see the bear and then quickly made our way out of the wooded area to an opening on the trail. We sheltered beneath a tree since it was actually a very hot day.
To make matters that much better, we were both out of water and extremely thirsty – we had assumed we would be fine since the car was loaded with delicious powerade and was less than a mile away. Unfortunately a bear was even closer and was on the only trail that would lead us to said poweraid and car. Oh, and the previous day, while we were at Yellowstone, we found out that for the first time in 26 years someone had been killed by a Grizzly..that very day. So we had that to think about during the whole time.
We waited about 20 minutes, thinking of the best option to get back to the car and avoid being mauled. We opted to try to make our way along the white water stream since, if Bear Grylls has taught me anything, water often leads to freedom. Unfortunately, this was not to be the case. Instead we struggled along the waterline, then the cliff line, nearly falling off several times, before reaching back up with the trail’s path. We were right back where we had previously seen the bear. Great. We kept moving forward and sure enough, we go around one turn and see the bear just off the path to the right eating. It was a little further away this time (though still within 50 yards) and we decide to try and make some more noise and slowly walk along the path hoping it will run away. This doesn’t work. Instead it runs to the path and faces us, maybe 35 yards away. We begin quickly walking backwards making sure to avoid eye contact. Again, when it is out of sight we swiftly move out of the woods and to a clearing.
The white water stream nearby.
At this point, we are probably suffering from dehydration. I personally was starting to feel sick from not having water for a while. We decide we might as well drink from the fast flowing water nearby; it’s moving quickly and is probably glacier melt so it’s like free spring water (just with a very small possibility of harboring giardia; see below). Earlier we had used snowpack to fill our water bottles since we ran out of water earlier also (the snowpack was too far away at this point, though). We set up base camp near a tree for some shade and drank our fresh spring water while contemplating our next move. Since there was really no way to trek around where the bear was and get back to our car, we decided to just try the path again in 30 minutes and this time make even more noise.
Hopefully this little buddy isn't in the old intestinal lining.
So after over five hours from the start of our hike, we ventured back into the wooded area, this time with Corey “singing” as loud as possible (pretty loud if you know Corey) and myself banging my metal water bottle on a carabineer I had on my belt (turned out to be very loud also). Our pace was slow and we kept a close eye out for our new furry friend. Thankfully, the third time ended up being the charm and we made it past the area where the grizzly had been unscathed. We continued to make noise till we could see the car. We made it and there was much rejoicing. I quickly absorbed my powerade (the purple one tastes like a popsicle; I highly recommend it).
Me and you, Grizzly Adams.
So we survived what was hopefully our first and last close encounter with a wild grizzly bear. The first sighting was intense but having to go back knowing it might still be there was almost as nerve-racking. In the end, we have a decent story to tell and one terrible picture (you can barely make out the bear, as it was far away at that point…sorry I didn’t have time to zoom in and have the bear pose for me - the small issue of a mauling was in the back of my mind). If you’ve made it this far, congratulations; you’re probably the only one. The End.
Stay tuned next time for Stories from Yellowstone and maybe Portland…
Another 1000 miles later and we’re back. So we’ve now completed the Minneapolis and Badlands legs of the journey. Aside from getting pulled over and snaking our way out of a ticket it’s been smooth sailing (well there also was that old man with the deathwish who was just walking across a 75 mph highway and that city in South Dakota that apparently is where all of the state’s population descend to celebrate the country’s independence by crowding the streets and making passage nearly impossible. Fun fact about South Dakota: state slogan - “yeah, we don’t know why you’re here either”.)
Corey, you're missing all the excitement of Montana.
Minneapolis was actually a really cool city; Very clean and apparently more women than men. If it wasn’t for the fact that it gets unbearably cold in the winter it would probably be a cool spot to live. While there we got to see the monumental collapse of the Twins in the 9th inning to the Brewers. Afterwards we naturally explored the town in the only way we know: via its pub scene. Went to a place that had lawn bowling on the roof but, unfortunately, it was closed. Ended up drinking at an Irish pub for most of the night. Late night we went with a group of locals to a pizza place. First time I’ve ever had to pay a cover to get into a pizza spot; very strange.
We stayed at a hotel called the University Inn. It wasn’t too bad but did not end up being the best nights sleep. This is due to the fact that at 7 am the fire alarm goes off throughout the whole building. This was quite the confusing event for me. At first it was part of my dream, then I thought it was Corey’s alarm and he was somehow sleeping through it. I was in that state where you try to force sleep through the noise and hope your friend wakes up soon and pushes the snooze button. There doesn’t appear to be a snooze button for the fire alarm.
The alarm had been set off by the hotel manager who had that look about her like she probably dabbles with methamphetamines or something. She had apparently set the alarm off because the clothes dryer was smoking. This berserk woman pulled a fire alarm at 7am at a hotel and hadn’t even seen fire (and then turned the alarm off 3 minutes later realizing it was nothing). The worst of it all is that right after we left our room the alarm stop ringing and when we tried to reenter our room the key did not work. We went to get another key card but the berserk woman was not at her desk. However the local fire chief was there looking for the manager to see what the issue had been. She basically ends up being a dick to this guy even though he’s only there because this tweeking woman pulled a fire alarm. Anyway, we eventually got back in to the room and got another 2 hours of sleep to add to the 3 we had gotten before the alarm went off.
We set out for Badlands national park the next day. Side note: great thing about driving after a night of drinking, your dehydration level is high enough that you can go through a 6 hour drive without having to make a bathroom stop. Badlands is one of the coolest parks I’ve been to. It’s lawless. You can go where ever you want in the park; we were actually told this by the ranger at the main office. So naturally we wandered all over the place- climbing random stuff and trekking through high grass to stalk deer. All in all it was a really great place. It’s almost ominous in how little people were hiking – we so 3 other people during the 3 hours of hiking we did. It was as if we were exploring the moon but with higher gravity and air and beef jerky.
Roadtrip essential. Tried to get sponsored but didn't do it in time.
We are now currently en route to Yellowstone. Pictures and what not to come later. Happy 4th. AMERICA!!! Enjoy the song below expressing my patriotism.
Well, the roadtrip is underway. So far so good. The car is about as full as it can get. Because of this, the car now has about 1 inch of clearance (potholes have been dicey).
The car is a little full
Day one consisted of 690 miles from DC to Chicago. Roughly 10 hours of cruising but it really wasn't that bad; probably because it was the first day. Random hilarious thing from trip day 1: Passing by a road called Fangboner Road. "Yeah, my address is 415 Fangboner Road. Now don't get that confused with Fangboner Street which a couple streets before; people mess up all the time."
Proof
Last night we went out in downtown Chicago for a few adult beverages. We met up with a friend from the old county (Prince Georges, that is). Lucky for us her husband just happened to be bartending at a bar not 4 blocks from our hotel; the sun shined brightly on us. We ended the night at an establishment called English to get back to my roots, you know. Corey and I end up chatting with some people at the bar. One member of this party I can only describe as "Chicago Bitch Stewie" (see below).
"I did good, huh, Stewie"
They were highly promoting Chicago and to give them credit it did seem like a cool city. As we were leaving, I somehow got stuck in a "conversation" with Chicago Bitch Stewie. Trying to decipher his nonsensical dialect was a trying task. As was dodging the saliva flying from his mouth with each passing word. It was at this moment that I noticed Chi-town Bitch Stewie's hand was moderately bloody - apparently from a cut he had suffered and ultimately not noticed and/or not cared about. Let me add, that they were at the drunk stage where you are constantly patting people on the back in a friendly intoxicated manner (funny enough this is often just before the stage where the pat becomes a punch. Luckily not this evening). Due to this "pat-friendly" nature and the fact that this guy clearly had blood on his hand, I went into a defensive mode to try and avoid a pat on the back as I wanted to actually wear my shirt again in the future. I even told Chicago Bitch Stewie that his hand was all bloody to which he responded with something resembling English but just not quite there; the speech section of the brain was also quite drunk and firing blanks. From his body language, he did not seem to mind his mutilated hand. I dodged a couple pats, and stiff armed one away but unfortunately he blind-sided me right before we left. My shirt is now forever stained with the blood of a one Chicago Bitch Stewie. (maybe I'll post the shirt picture later, for now you get this random one)
Random from our Hotel: Diploma or Bathmat? You decide.
Corey and I are currently on the road to Minneapolis - a city I really know little about. What we do know is that there is a bar with lawn bowling on the roof. We plan to go to said bar. Pretty sure the NFL lock-out talks have been taking place in Minneapolis, so hopefully we can beat Drew Brees in some lawn bowling. We also somehow swindled our way into tickets to the Twins game this evening. They are playing the Brewers; a real battle of powerhouses. Should be fun either way.
Then we're off to Badlands National Park, Yellowstone, and Glacier (glass-e-ah, proper British pronunciation) national park to name a few. More stories and pictures to come. Corey says "Hi".
